Hey God...It's me again.

Ok. So being overwhelmed with anxiety didnt work out. There are so many things piling up in my life that it seemed like I couldn't handle it. But eventually I came back to the thought that I wasnt created to handle it by myself but I was made to NEED to lean on God for all things.

After having an extremely rough weekend where one thing after another went wrong, I was physically shaking to the point of a panic attack/nervous breakdown. But God in all His glorious mercy opened up opportunities for me to be able to talk to several girls at my church who have really been an inspiration to me. I am so thankful for their presence and their ability to remind me of God's unconditional love.

That's a hard concept for me, mostly because I really don't deserve any part of His love. But He says to me through his Word and through Mary, a great encourager and friend, "My God is changeless in his love for me and he will come and help me." Psalm 59:10. Unbelievable to me that he would still want me after what a mess I am, but he's there regardless.

I asked for this. I asked God to give me "trials and tribulations" because I know that it's a sure-fire relationship builder. I prayed it hastily, knowing I would want to take it back. And let me say, when it rains, it pours. But I wouldn't change how I got so overwhelmed because it showed me that I can't do it by myself. God made us to need the fellowship and protection of true friends who can give sound advice and lead us in the right direction. He made us to desperately need him and I feel so safe knowing that my life is dependent on the one who has my best interests at heart no matter what I think my path in life might be. I'm so glad to have been down that hard time so that now I really see how much I truly NEED Him.

Time after time I come to Him asking to take me back, to help me off the floor and give me strength. I'm just now seeing that he wants us to have that desperate desire for Him. I had to hit a really low low to realize exactly how much dependence I have for Him..to change my heart, to keep me going, to show me my sin, to take it upon himself, to literally breathe when I've stressed out so much I don't remember how.

He knew I needed Him and that I needed those girls yesterday and I am so thnkful that he delivered such an awesome, genuine, amaaazing set of girls that I can truly count on to lift me up through prayer and fellowship. God is sooooooooo goood!!!!!!!!!!!

He gave me such an overwhelming sense of peace about everything and has allowed me to remember his love that does not fail me when I fail myself.
Plus, I got Crazy Love today and I'm super-excited to get started with this life-changing book that I have heard so much about from numerous people.

God, I don't want to be lukewarm. I want to be on fire for you and constantly seeking your will in every situation. Guide me to your will, take away my selfishness and allow me to show others your mercy and grace in all that I say and do.

Diane Elise

This God- His Way is Perfect

This God, His way is perfect. The word of the Lord proves true. He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him. - 2 Samuel 22:31

Surrendering all of my worries seems selfish. I'm a pretty independent person and knowing that someone else is willingly sharing ANY of my burdens is hard for me to accept. Having cancer when I was younger has caused me to be a bit more callous than I would have been. Ultimately, you just can't rely on anybody but yourself to get through the day...Or that's what I thought anyways.

It's hard to change your mentality after relying on yourself for so many years but I'm finding it to be one of the most necessary elements of my walk with Christ. Letting it go and giving it up to Him is what he asks of us. He doesn't say "Be courageous every day relentlessly because anything less is failure." In fact He asks us to draw strength from Him in order to glorify Him. ( 2 Corinthians 12:9 God's power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.)

So I'm seeing a roadmap here for learning to walk with Christ. First stop, actually read the map. You have no idea how to get somewhere if you can't read instructions. Second, rely on the map to show you the right way to go. Having a map that isn't correct will get you nowhere. Third stop, move your feet in the direction the map says to go validating your trust in what it says.

Essentially, reading God's Word is the only way we can learn what His will is for our lives and leaving this guide closed every day is foolish. As we believe what God says, we can leave our fears and worries behind, trusting that He is leading us in the best direction possible. But the third step is where I get hung up.

Following through and taking the steps to completely rely on Him is a struggle for me! I can get into the Word and see what I'm supposed to do, be secure in that direction, and then completely fail to give total control to God. It baffles me because instead of taking the safe way which God has planned for me, I go the opposite direction in order to assert the fact that I can make my own choices.

Now why would I do that? Why when "His way is perfect" would I choose to go a different path??? I don't know the answer because I want to make the right choice but I can't seem to let my heart and feet agree.

God, help me to clearly see the right path according to your desires for me and allow me to fearlessly follow the path which you have shown me,

Diane Elise

Unstoppable Passion

Over the past couple of months, I have jumped into the Young Adult Community (YAC) at Hope Presbyterian Church. I still don't know how I feel particularly about being a pres, seeing as I've been a Southern Baptist all my life, but I do know that this place has truly given me hope. After years of being numb to life and unfocused on what's really going on, I have really started to wake up.

But even though I'm consistently going to church now (Sundays plus various days of the week), I can't tell how much it's really effected my personal relationship with God. I can see myself happier and definitely more focused on the beauty of life. I see the hope I have in Christ and I know that my past sins are not counted against me.

But how much more am I really talking with God? When does my dedication to knowing Him become so fervent that I can't go a day without talking to Him? I want desperately to be a sincere Christian and not just one that seems to know what they're saying. The thing is, I truly believe in all of the inspirations which God has sent me lately and know that He is continuously there for me.

Now it's my turn to be there for Him and show up where it really counts, in personal one-on-one time with Him. I want to be doing things for His glory and not my own. My slefishness for attention and the desire for people to see me doing the "right thing" have to cease to be the factors that drive me to righteousness.

God, give me an unstoppable passion for you that can only be quenched as I bring glory to Your Name in a selfless way,

Diane Elise