Why is it that I never feel like I'm ready for what God has for me? He keeps testing me, throwing me against the wall and I can never seem to stick. My faith never seems to keep me sustained and I continuously find myself doubting God's ability to work in my life.
I feel so insufficient. But my mom sent a verse to me today that helped me with some perspective. 1 John 4:16 says, "If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them...There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear."
Love to me just doesn't feel like enough. I'm skeptical that "love" is enough to sustain me even though I know that it was LOVE nailed to a cross that took away my sin. I want to feel like I'm not useless as a vessel of God. But I think part of that feeling may be selfish.
I think that by simply loving God through all that we do, everything else will fall into place. I need faith for that. Mostly I need God to give me strength to love Him because I'm too selfish to do it by myself. But I know the truth Christ died to convey; love IS enough.
About Me
- Diane Elise Carter
- God is steadily changing my heart to reflect his one day at a time.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Don't Waste Your Life
After an extensive day doing testing at St.Jude it's hard not to be grateful for all my blessings. Though I'm a member of the survivor's club, I really haven't had it as bad as most of the kids there. I'm exhausted after one very long day of appointments and meetings but I can't imagine having to go through that constantly every day.
While I was eating lunch there were two girls, both of whom had lost all their hair from chemo, who were having a reunion of sorts talking about their symptoms and waiting on the nausea to set in from their treatments. They seemed to chat happily though one seemed more under the weather. Their encouragements to each other felt foreign to me as I have never been an in-house patient. I've basically led a normal, unaffected life with little more than uncomfortable questions to answer.
As the waiting gaps were quite lengthy, I had the opportunity to read "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper which has truly been an inspiring read. In the first few chapters he talks about how it is the youth of our generation who have the real chance to make a difference by being inundated with the true message of God's plan for us. God's ultimate design is to be glorified but this shouldn't be a chore for us. Quite the opposite, God is gkorified when we take delight in Him. There are serious implications if we ignore God's glorification but when we unite our happiness with Christ's cause there is true happiness and enjoyment of life. "Far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world is crucified to me, and I to the world." Delighting in anything but the cross is useless for everything but His kingdom wastes away.
There's so much hope in that hospital. I was talking to one of my favorite nurses Debbie when I had the revelation that God has a special place in his heart for children, and so in a facility full of children, His presence is sure to abound. And when you look for God, you will find Him. I found Him in the smiles of the nurses, the earnest hello's of various staff members and in the dedication of a man named Danny Thomas who provided this place of hope through God's blessing on his life.
I am so excited to start my internship there where I can hopefully be a part of that atmosphere for a long time. I feel my happiest there and more free to connect with people and share the sam hope I have, I pray that God will be glorified in my presence there as I delight in His abundant blessings.
Help me to keep my eyes on the cross and my heart in Your hands,
Yours
While I was eating lunch there were two girls, both of whom had lost all their hair from chemo, who were having a reunion of sorts talking about their symptoms and waiting on the nausea to set in from their treatments. They seemed to chat happily though one seemed more under the weather. Their encouragements to each other felt foreign to me as I have never been an in-house patient. I've basically led a normal, unaffected life with little more than uncomfortable questions to answer.
As the waiting gaps were quite lengthy, I had the opportunity to read "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper which has truly been an inspiring read. In the first few chapters he talks about how it is the youth of our generation who have the real chance to make a difference by being inundated with the true message of God's plan for us. God's ultimate design is to be glorified but this shouldn't be a chore for us. Quite the opposite, God is gkorified when we take delight in Him. There are serious implications if we ignore God's glorification but when we unite our happiness with Christ's cause there is true happiness and enjoyment of life. "Far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world is crucified to me, and I to the world." Delighting in anything but the cross is useless for everything but His kingdom wastes away.
There's so much hope in that hospital. I was talking to one of my favorite nurses Debbie when I had the revelation that God has a special place in his heart for children, and so in a facility full of children, His presence is sure to abound. And when you look for God, you will find Him. I found Him in the smiles of the nurses, the earnest hello's of various staff members and in the dedication of a man named Danny Thomas who provided this place of hope through God's blessing on his life.
I am so excited to start my internship there where I can hopefully be a part of that atmosphere for a long time. I feel my happiest there and more free to connect with people and share the sam hope I have, I pray that God will be glorified in my presence there as I delight in His abundant blessings.
Help me to keep my eyes on the cross and my heart in Your hands,
Yours
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