Broken...again

So thankful to have my eyes open to the tragedy of my weaknesses. I understand that I'm human, and I understand we can't be perfect. But why is it that everytime I feel like I'm making progress I fall hard? I'm really tired of knowing what I should be doing and then doing the complete opposite. Yes, it comes with the territory as a human because we're fallen. I'm just so frustrated!!...confused, shocked, scared. I don't think that anyone could truly look at my life and notice a Christian. And that makes me unbelievably sad. I don't want to live sinfully and yet I succumb to sin time and time again. I can't wait to be in God's kingdom and live every second to purely glorify Him. I haven't been able to say that I've glorified God in anything I've done lately. But it's more than treading water. It's like I'm actually swimming with the current of the world I'm supposed to be fighting against. I'm thankful to be broken and see that I need God so desperately. I'm thankful for the trillion blessings He's given me. I'm mostly thankful my salvation doesn't rely on my own rap sheet because I'm 100% certain I'd have a one-way ticket south if it did. I miss God. I miss doing what I'm supposed to do. And I'm ready to be the person I'm supposed to be. I can't do it myself though. Left to my own devices, I would continuously be running on a linoleum floor with car wax on it.

God, give me strength to be yours and only yours. Don't let me split my heart between you and the world.

Yours,

Diane Elise