Why is it that I never feel like I'm ready for what God has for me? He keeps testing me, throwing me against the wall and I can never seem to stick. My faith never seems to keep me sustained and I continuously find myself doubting God's ability to work in my life.
I feel so insufficient. But my mom sent a verse to me today that helped me with some perspective. 1 John 4:16 says, "If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them...There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear."
Love to me just doesn't feel like enough. I'm skeptical that "love" is enough to sustain me even though I know that it was LOVE nailed to a cross that took away my sin. I want to feel like I'm not useless as a vessel of God. But I think part of that feeling may be selfish.
I think that by simply loving God through all that we do, everything else will fall into place. I need faith for that. Mostly I need God to give me strength to love Him because I'm too selfish to do it by myself. But I know the truth Christ died to convey; love IS enough.
About Me
- Diane Elise Carter
- God is steadily changing my heart to reflect his one day at a time.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Don't Waste Your Life
After an extensive day doing testing at St.Jude it's hard not to be grateful for all my blessings. Though I'm a member of the survivor's club, I really haven't had it as bad as most of the kids there. I'm exhausted after one very long day of appointments and meetings but I can't imagine having to go through that constantly every day.
While I was eating lunch there were two girls, both of whom had lost all their hair from chemo, who were having a reunion of sorts talking about their symptoms and waiting on the nausea to set in from their treatments. They seemed to chat happily though one seemed more under the weather. Their encouragements to each other felt foreign to me as I have never been an in-house patient. I've basically led a normal, unaffected life with little more than uncomfortable questions to answer.
As the waiting gaps were quite lengthy, I had the opportunity to read "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper which has truly been an inspiring read. In the first few chapters he talks about how it is the youth of our generation who have the real chance to make a difference by being inundated with the true message of God's plan for us. God's ultimate design is to be glorified but this shouldn't be a chore for us. Quite the opposite, God is gkorified when we take delight in Him. There are serious implications if we ignore God's glorification but when we unite our happiness with Christ's cause there is true happiness and enjoyment of life. "Far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world is crucified to me, and I to the world." Delighting in anything but the cross is useless for everything but His kingdom wastes away.
There's so much hope in that hospital. I was talking to one of my favorite nurses Debbie when I had the revelation that God has a special place in his heart for children, and so in a facility full of children, His presence is sure to abound. And when you look for God, you will find Him. I found Him in the smiles of the nurses, the earnest hello's of various staff members and in the dedication of a man named Danny Thomas who provided this place of hope through God's blessing on his life.
I am so excited to start my internship there where I can hopefully be a part of that atmosphere for a long time. I feel my happiest there and more free to connect with people and share the sam hope I have, I pray that God will be glorified in my presence there as I delight in His abundant blessings.
Help me to keep my eyes on the cross and my heart in Your hands,
Yours
While I was eating lunch there were two girls, both of whom had lost all their hair from chemo, who were having a reunion of sorts talking about their symptoms and waiting on the nausea to set in from their treatments. They seemed to chat happily though one seemed more under the weather. Their encouragements to each other felt foreign to me as I have never been an in-house patient. I've basically led a normal, unaffected life with little more than uncomfortable questions to answer.
As the waiting gaps were quite lengthy, I had the opportunity to read "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper which has truly been an inspiring read. In the first few chapters he talks about how it is the youth of our generation who have the real chance to make a difference by being inundated with the true message of God's plan for us. God's ultimate design is to be glorified but this shouldn't be a chore for us. Quite the opposite, God is gkorified when we take delight in Him. There are serious implications if we ignore God's glorification but when we unite our happiness with Christ's cause there is true happiness and enjoyment of life. "Far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world is crucified to me, and I to the world." Delighting in anything but the cross is useless for everything but His kingdom wastes away.
There's so much hope in that hospital. I was talking to one of my favorite nurses Debbie when I had the revelation that God has a special place in his heart for children, and so in a facility full of children, His presence is sure to abound. And when you look for God, you will find Him. I found Him in the smiles of the nurses, the earnest hello's of various staff members and in the dedication of a man named Danny Thomas who provided this place of hope through God's blessing on his life.
I am so excited to start my internship there where I can hopefully be a part of that atmosphere for a long time. I feel my happiest there and more free to connect with people and share the sam hope I have, I pray that God will be glorified in my presence there as I delight in His abundant blessings.
Help me to keep my eyes on the cross and my heart in Your hands,
Yours
Monday, December 13, 2010
There's Always Something More Important
There’s always something more important than God. Errands, family issues, work, etc. Everyone knows our adrenaline-based society lives off of caffeine highs, energy shots and 6 a.m. wake-up calls. So it’s no surprise that when we catch a moment of stillness and quiet, we don’t know how to handle it. It’s our twenty-first century nature to thrive on a hectic schedule, getting from here to there in the most efficient way possible and using every second to our advantage.
After participating in this lifestyle so long, we not only embrace our fast-track destiny, we cling to it whenever a moment of true silence approaches. Terrified of what these moments might bring, we feverishly avoid the hard-hitting questions. You know the ones. Those questions that catch up with you that you can only avoid for so long ‘til they end up slapping you across the face when reality hits. Questions like: what course of action should I take in this situation? What is God’s will for me? What are the right words to say here? We continuously bypass taking the time to ask for these things beforehand, but the second we need something, our hands assume the praying position and our heads finally glance upward. Why is it that it usually takes a crisis or a desire that needs filling for us to turn to God?
We’re called to have a constant and intentional relationship with him, which is something I found very hard to learn. When you’re a kid sitting in church, the sermon seems like a set of do’s and don’ts that you have to live by. Don’t lie. Don’t steal. Don’t cheat, and so on. But that’s a smaller part of Christianity than I could comprehend at such a young age. I had the image of God as this judge, sitting on an almighty throne and waiting for us to mess up so He could punish us. That’s what God seems like to a child who constantly hears rules and guidelines.
God is a judge who takes sin seriously, but we tend to forget one of the central images of Christianity, which is the Son of God, struggling to breathe on a cross, bruised and bloody. Not a pretty picture? Well, to a Christian it should be the most beautiful image as we know that his love for us went beyond expectation. He put all selfishness aside and became sin for us. All of our selfishness keeps us from loving others and even God as Jesus Christ,
“Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2:6-9)
Every breath and every step he took, he was living to glorify his heavenly Father. IF we lived that way, how powerful would a movement like that look to the non-believer? To me, when I look at any sin, selfishness can be found at the root of all of them: pride, greed, anger, malice, the list goes on. But if we used those precious moments of silence and asked for a change of heart to be more like Christ, that selfishness could have the potential to be replaced with an extraordinary gift: unconditional love. And what better example to model ourselves after but the one who has walked in our shoes, who knows the hardships and temptations of a human life, who upheld a righteous life and yet still bore our sins on a cross despite his blameless record?
God, give me strength to live selflessly as your Son did and put others before myself.
Diane Elise
After participating in this lifestyle so long, we not only embrace our fast-track destiny, we cling to it whenever a moment of true silence approaches. Terrified of what these moments might bring, we feverishly avoid the hard-hitting questions. You know the ones. Those questions that catch up with you that you can only avoid for so long ‘til they end up slapping you across the face when reality hits. Questions like: what course of action should I take in this situation? What is God’s will for me? What are the right words to say here? We continuously bypass taking the time to ask for these things beforehand, but the second we need something, our hands assume the praying position and our heads finally glance upward. Why is it that it usually takes a crisis or a desire that needs filling for us to turn to God?
We’re called to have a constant and intentional relationship with him, which is something I found very hard to learn. When you’re a kid sitting in church, the sermon seems like a set of do’s and don’ts that you have to live by. Don’t lie. Don’t steal. Don’t cheat, and so on. But that’s a smaller part of Christianity than I could comprehend at such a young age. I had the image of God as this judge, sitting on an almighty throne and waiting for us to mess up so He could punish us. That’s what God seems like to a child who constantly hears rules and guidelines.
God is a judge who takes sin seriously, but we tend to forget one of the central images of Christianity, which is the Son of God, struggling to breathe on a cross, bruised and bloody. Not a pretty picture? Well, to a Christian it should be the most beautiful image as we know that his love for us went beyond expectation. He put all selfishness aside and became sin for us. All of our selfishness keeps us from loving others and even God as Jesus Christ,
“Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2:6-9)
Every breath and every step he took, he was living to glorify his heavenly Father. IF we lived that way, how powerful would a movement like that look to the non-believer? To me, when I look at any sin, selfishness can be found at the root of all of them: pride, greed, anger, malice, the list goes on. But if we used those precious moments of silence and asked for a change of heart to be more like Christ, that selfishness could have the potential to be replaced with an extraordinary gift: unconditional love. And what better example to model ourselves after but the one who has walked in our shoes, who knows the hardships and temptations of a human life, who upheld a righteous life and yet still bore our sins on a cross despite his blameless record?
God, give me strength to live selflessly as your Son did and put others before myself.
Diane Elise
Monday, November 8, 2010
How Can I Help YOU?
With life hitting you hard every chance it gets, taking time to give importance to the little joys in life is key. And nothing makes you as satisfyingly happy as helping another brother or sister. It helps your focus on God when you take the routine self-centeredness and center your focus on someone else's needs. After watching What Would You Do?(an ABC tv show that uncovers how people react in adverse situations), I'm reminded that sometimes it takes a leader to do the right thing in order for others to harness that same courage.
Working in retail at Old Navy is one of those challenges that constantly puts me in my place to put others before myself. Retail sounds easy but there are angry and annoyed customers out there who really just have it out to make you miserable sometimes. I used to be really bitter towards this job until I saw that God was giving me an opporunity to interact with people one-on-one and truly make a difference to someone's day.
Dying to yourself is so hard, and yet it was one of the qualities Christ exemplified best. Through all of his roles as passionate leader, advocate for the weak, and sacrifice to the world, all required a level of servitude only the Holy One could be fully committed to. Time and again, he left his own needs wanting in order to show pure and unconditional love to an undeserving audience.
My hope for this week is that God would present me with opportunities to serve others, giving my own desires little regard. 2 Corinthians 9:19 has resonated with me continuously, "Though I am free and belong to no man, I am a slave to everyone so that I may win as many as possible." And that's our job here: dying to ourselves in order to take up the cross which Jesus gave us the honored duty to carry.
God, give me the strength to leave narcissism at the door. I want to serve as You do, with my whole heart.
Diane Elise
Working in retail at Old Navy is one of those challenges that constantly puts me in my place to put others before myself. Retail sounds easy but there are angry and annoyed customers out there who really just have it out to make you miserable sometimes. I used to be really bitter towards this job until I saw that God was giving me an opporunity to interact with people one-on-one and truly make a difference to someone's day.
Dying to yourself is so hard, and yet it was one of the qualities Christ exemplified best. Through all of his roles as passionate leader, advocate for the weak, and sacrifice to the world, all required a level of servitude only the Holy One could be fully committed to. Time and again, he left his own needs wanting in order to show pure and unconditional love to an undeserving audience.
My hope for this week is that God would present me with opportunities to serve others, giving my own desires little regard. 2 Corinthians 9:19 has resonated with me continuously, "Though I am free and belong to no man, I am a slave to everyone so that I may win as many as possible." And that's our job here: dying to ourselves in order to take up the cross which Jesus gave us the honored duty to carry.
God, give me the strength to leave narcissism at the door. I want to serve as You do, with my whole heart.
Diane Elise
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Weary and Satisfied
This week has already been so crazy. There have been tests, quizzes, hoework, group assignments, work, the list goes on. I've been running all over the place trying to get all this stuff done but my sense of peace and comfort has not left me thankfully.
It's taken me a long time to figure out that God gives us what we need and also what we ask for. I think without turning to Him constantly this week I would have been frazzled and frustrated. But with His help I've been surprisingly grounded and carefree even with all the work I see ahead of me.
Life has proven time and again to be tempestuous and unpredictable. It's so much easier now though that I've found the One True Constant. He has given me unprecedented strength and peace this week and I am so grateful to be beyond the worries of this world.
Thank you God for the patience you've supplied me with this week,
Diane Elise
It's taken me a long time to figure out that God gives us what we need and also what we ask for. I think without turning to Him constantly this week I would have been frazzled and frustrated. But with His help I've been surprisingly grounded and carefree even with all the work I see ahead of me.
Life has proven time and again to be tempestuous and unpredictable. It's so much easier now though that I've found the One True Constant. He has given me unprecedented strength and peace this week and I am so grateful to be beyond the worries of this world.
Thank you God for the patience you've supplied me with this week,
Diane Elise
Monday, October 25, 2010
Truth or Dare
When I talk to God, I'm usually just playing this useless game of truth or dare. Truth: what is your will for me? What am I doing wrong here? Am I being honest? Dare: Use me. Guide Me. Lead Me. Sounds a little selfish if you ask me and I feel like when His Son has already been sacrificed to give the world, I could be asking a little more often what I can do on His behalf.
It made perfect sense at the Bible study I helped lead this past Thursday night. Ephesians 2 is talking directly to us about casting off our old sin, which we were enslaved to in our old lives, and becoming alive in Christ with the strength he has bestowed upon us through the Holy Spirit.
"And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. " (Ephesians 2: 6, 7)
So just throught his kindness, he decidede to give us eternal life, which I find wildly surprising. He is consistently true to character. How awesome to live righteously with no option of sinning or failure. Christ did it.
But for how indebted we are to Him, he still asks nothing of us to obtain salvation. It's "priceless" for a reason but it seems that we should be actively working on his behalf as well. Yet again, God sees our prideful nature as humans and stops our pride in its tracks as we think that what we do for Him could make any difference in our salvation:
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast."
And then we rationalize our sin. Well, if God is gonna forgive either way, and I can't do anything to earn His grace, why not sin? He cleverly answers that question too. He's just too smart for our human little peabrains. freely giving us salvation is NOT synonymous with giving us license to sin. We are still called to do great things for Him. He even sweetly calls us His "workmanship", or artwork. The God of the Heavens, calling us His art...wow. We should be using that gift! As a work of art living with the Holy Spirit, He can use us for His good purposes.
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Life application: How can I actively be God's workmanship without attempting to earn my salvation? I'm not a theological scholar, but I think the answer here is to be sincere and do things out of pure Love and Gratitude for Christ's sacrifice. It's not about Who am I supposed to be? or How many church functions can I attend?..It's about Am I living out my life with respect to the ultimate Love that Christ showed me? Am I glorifying Him and striving to be holy in all that I say and do?
I think that's what God wants from us. Sincerity. Honor. Respect. LOVE. Doing things with the right motives is a hard feat. But I'm trying, and that's all I can do.
Yours,
Diane Elise
It made perfect sense at the Bible study I helped lead this past Thursday night. Ephesians 2 is talking directly to us about casting off our old sin, which we were enslaved to in our old lives, and becoming alive in Christ with the strength he has bestowed upon us through the Holy Spirit.
"And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. " (Ephesians 2: 6, 7)
So just throught his kindness, he decidede to give us eternal life, which I find wildly surprising. He is consistently true to character. How awesome to live righteously with no option of sinning or failure. Christ did it.
But for how indebted we are to Him, he still asks nothing of us to obtain salvation. It's "priceless" for a reason but it seems that we should be actively working on his behalf as well. Yet again, God sees our prideful nature as humans and stops our pride in its tracks as we think that what we do for Him could make any difference in our salvation:
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast."
And then we rationalize our sin. Well, if God is gonna forgive either way, and I can't do anything to earn His grace, why not sin? He cleverly answers that question too. He's just too smart for our human little peabrains. freely giving us salvation is NOT synonymous with giving us license to sin. We are still called to do great things for Him. He even sweetly calls us His "workmanship", or artwork. The God of the Heavens, calling us His art...wow. We should be using that gift! As a work of art living with the Holy Spirit, He can use us for His good purposes.
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Life application: How can I actively be God's workmanship without attempting to earn my salvation? I'm not a theological scholar, but I think the answer here is to be sincere and do things out of pure Love and Gratitude for Christ's sacrifice. It's not about Who am I supposed to be? or How many church functions can I attend?..It's about Am I living out my life with respect to the ultimate Love that Christ showed me? Am I glorifying Him and striving to be holy in all that I say and do?
I think that's what God wants from us. Sincerity. Honor. Respect. LOVE. Doing things with the right motives is a hard feat. But I'm trying, and that's all I can do.
Yours,
Diane Elise
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Broken...again
So thankful to have my eyes open to the tragedy of my weaknesses. I understand that I'm human, and I understand we can't be perfect. But why is it that everytime I feel like I'm making progress I fall hard? I'm really tired of knowing what I should be doing and then doing the complete opposite. Yes, it comes with the territory as a human because we're fallen. I'm just so frustrated!!...confused, shocked, scared. I don't think that anyone could truly look at my life and notice a Christian. And that makes me unbelievably sad. I don't want to live sinfully and yet I succumb to sin time and time again. I can't wait to be in God's kingdom and live every second to purely glorify Him. I haven't been able to say that I've glorified God in anything I've done lately. But it's more than treading water. It's like I'm actually swimming with the current of the world I'm supposed to be fighting against. I'm thankful to be broken and see that I need God so desperately. I'm thankful for the trillion blessings He's given me. I'm mostly thankful my salvation doesn't rely on my own rap sheet because I'm 100% certain I'd have a one-way ticket south if it did. I miss God. I miss doing what I'm supposed to do. And I'm ready to be the person I'm supposed to be. I can't do it myself though. Left to my own devices, I would continuously be running on a linoleum floor with car wax on it.
God, give me strength to be yours and only yours. Don't let me split my heart between you and the world.
Yours,
Diane Elise
God, give me strength to be yours and only yours. Don't let me split my heart between you and the world.
Yours,
Diane Elise
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Changing My Mentality
I don't think there's a part of my life God can be excluded from. Everywhere I am, there He is. Behind every thought, every action, every word. But instead of seeing Him as a silent finger-pointing ruler of the world, I can now see Him for what He really is, which is a caring, loyal, selfless creator who has ordained every part of my life for His glory and my enjoyment of knowing Him in all His glory.
And so, knowing that simple truth has changed how I think about things and how I can approach any situation. I am so filled with compassion and love for complete strangers lately. A simple thought occurred to me today which I verbalized to a coworker. If Christ can fully love his children as they shamelessly mock Him and nail Him to a cross, how much more can I simply love those around me who aren't threatening me in any way. Even during His death, Christ chose to exemplify the unchangeable love of His Father.
Even moreso lately, I can just FEEL God's presence through everything I do. Who was I kidding when I used to think I could hide certain parts of my life from God just because I wouldn't acknowledge them? That's just crazy. And why would I want to have that feeling of independence when God clearly has my best interests at heart? If anything, I should rejoice in never having a minute completely to myself. God is never asleep on the job saying "sorry, business hours are over...call again tomorrow."
I'm just grateful that I finally can see that God is a 24-hour well of love and patience that I will forever have access to, regardless of how little I deserve it. It's surprising, but I think I've been waiting for a long time to see if God will let me down. And even though I may be going through a trial or a test, God has never once given me more than I can handle. He will never bring a storm and then not offer me his own umbrella.
I'm in love with Him and I can't see this rapid growth of love slowing down anytime soon. It will never see the end of the tunnel because knowing the vastness of His love will take more than a lifetime. I can't wait to see what He has for me next!
And so, knowing that simple truth has changed how I think about things and how I can approach any situation. I am so filled with compassion and love for complete strangers lately. A simple thought occurred to me today which I verbalized to a coworker. If Christ can fully love his children as they shamelessly mock Him and nail Him to a cross, how much more can I simply love those around me who aren't threatening me in any way. Even during His death, Christ chose to exemplify the unchangeable love of His Father.
Even moreso lately, I can just FEEL God's presence through everything I do. Who was I kidding when I used to think I could hide certain parts of my life from God just because I wouldn't acknowledge them? That's just crazy. And why would I want to have that feeling of independence when God clearly has my best interests at heart? If anything, I should rejoice in never having a minute completely to myself. God is never asleep on the job saying "sorry, business hours are over...call again tomorrow."
I'm just grateful that I finally can see that God is a 24-hour well of love and patience that I will forever have access to, regardless of how little I deserve it. It's surprising, but I think I've been waiting for a long time to see if God will let me down. And even though I may be going through a trial or a test, God has never once given me more than I can handle. He will never bring a storm and then not offer me his own umbrella.
I'm in love with Him and I can't see this rapid growth of love slowing down anytime soon. It will never see the end of the tunnel because knowing the vastness of His love will take more than a lifetime. I can't wait to see what He has for me next!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Hey God...It's me again.
Ok. So being overwhelmed with anxiety didnt work out. There are so many things piling up in my life that it seemed like I couldn't handle it. But eventually I came back to the thought that I wasnt created to handle it by myself but I was made to NEED to lean on God for all things.
After having an extremely rough weekend where one thing after another went wrong, I was physically shaking to the point of a panic attack/nervous breakdown. But God in all His glorious mercy opened up opportunities for me to be able to talk to several girls at my church who have really been an inspiration to me. I am so thankful for their presence and their ability to remind me of God's unconditional love.
That's a hard concept for me, mostly because I really don't deserve any part of His love. But He says to me through his Word and through Mary, a great encourager and friend, "My God is changeless in his love for me and he will come and help me." Psalm 59:10. Unbelievable to me that he would still want me after what a mess I am, but he's there regardless.
I asked for this. I asked God to give me "trials and tribulations" because I know that it's a sure-fire relationship builder. I prayed it hastily, knowing I would want to take it back. And let me say, when it rains, it pours. But I wouldn't change how I got so overwhelmed because it showed me that I can't do it by myself. God made us to need the fellowship and protection of true friends who can give sound advice and lead us in the right direction. He made us to desperately need him and I feel so safe knowing that my life is dependent on the one who has my best interests at heart no matter what I think my path in life might be. I'm so glad to have been down that hard time so that now I really see how much I truly NEED Him.
Time after time I come to Him asking to take me back, to help me off the floor and give me strength. I'm just now seeing that he wants us to have that desperate desire for Him. I had to hit a really low low to realize exactly how much dependence I have for Him..to change my heart, to keep me going, to show me my sin, to take it upon himself, to literally breathe when I've stressed out so much I don't remember how.
He knew I needed Him and that I needed those girls yesterday and I am so thnkful that he delivered such an awesome, genuine, amaaazing set of girls that I can truly count on to lift me up through prayer and fellowship. God is sooooooooo goood!!!!!!!!!!!
He gave me such an overwhelming sense of peace about everything and has allowed me to remember his love that does not fail me when I fail myself.
Plus, I got Crazy Love today and I'm super-excited to get started with this life-changing book that I have heard so much about from numerous people.
God, I don't want to be lukewarm. I want to be on fire for you and constantly seeking your will in every situation. Guide me to your will, take away my selfishness and allow me to show others your mercy and grace in all that I say and do.
Diane Elise
After having an extremely rough weekend where one thing after another went wrong, I was physically shaking to the point of a panic attack/nervous breakdown. But God in all His glorious mercy opened up opportunities for me to be able to talk to several girls at my church who have really been an inspiration to me. I am so thankful for their presence and their ability to remind me of God's unconditional love.
That's a hard concept for me, mostly because I really don't deserve any part of His love. But He says to me through his Word and through Mary, a great encourager and friend, "My God is changeless in his love for me and he will come and help me." Psalm 59:10. Unbelievable to me that he would still want me after what a mess I am, but he's there regardless.
I asked for this. I asked God to give me "trials and tribulations" because I know that it's a sure-fire relationship builder. I prayed it hastily, knowing I would want to take it back. And let me say, when it rains, it pours. But I wouldn't change how I got so overwhelmed because it showed me that I can't do it by myself. God made us to need the fellowship and protection of true friends who can give sound advice and lead us in the right direction. He made us to desperately need him and I feel so safe knowing that my life is dependent on the one who has my best interests at heart no matter what I think my path in life might be. I'm so glad to have been down that hard time so that now I really see how much I truly NEED Him.
Time after time I come to Him asking to take me back, to help me off the floor and give me strength. I'm just now seeing that he wants us to have that desperate desire for Him. I had to hit a really low low to realize exactly how much dependence I have for Him..to change my heart, to keep me going, to show me my sin, to take it upon himself, to literally breathe when I've stressed out so much I don't remember how.
He knew I needed Him and that I needed those girls yesterday and I am so thnkful that he delivered such an awesome, genuine, amaaazing set of girls that I can truly count on to lift me up through prayer and fellowship. God is sooooooooo goood!!!!!!!!!!!
He gave me such an overwhelming sense of peace about everything and has allowed me to remember his love that does not fail me when I fail myself.
Plus, I got Crazy Love today and I'm super-excited to get started with this life-changing book that I have heard so much about from numerous people.
God, I don't want to be lukewarm. I want to be on fire for you and constantly seeking your will in every situation. Guide me to your will, take away my selfishness and allow me to show others your mercy and grace in all that I say and do.
Diane Elise
Thursday, June 17, 2010
This God- His Way is Perfect
This God, His way is perfect. The word of the Lord proves true. He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him. - 2 Samuel 22:31
Surrendering all of my worries seems selfish. I'm a pretty independent person and knowing that someone else is willingly sharing ANY of my burdens is hard for me to accept. Having cancer when I was younger has caused me to be a bit more callous than I would have been. Ultimately, you just can't rely on anybody but yourself to get through the day...Or that's what I thought anyways.
It's hard to change your mentality after relying on yourself for so many years but I'm finding it to be one of the most necessary elements of my walk with Christ. Letting it go and giving it up to Him is what he asks of us. He doesn't say "Be courageous every day relentlessly because anything less is failure." In fact He asks us to draw strength from Him in order to glorify Him. ( 2 Corinthians 12:9 God's power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.)
So I'm seeing a roadmap here for learning to walk with Christ. First stop, actually read the map. You have no idea how to get somewhere if you can't read instructions. Second, rely on the map to show you the right way to go. Having a map that isn't correct will get you nowhere. Third stop, move your feet in the direction the map says to go validating your trust in what it says.
Essentially, reading God's Word is the only way we can learn what His will is for our lives and leaving this guide closed every day is foolish. As we believe what God says, we can leave our fears and worries behind, trusting that He is leading us in the best direction possible. But the third step is where I get hung up.
Following through and taking the steps to completely rely on Him is a struggle for me! I can get into the Word and see what I'm supposed to do, be secure in that direction, and then completely fail to give total control to God. It baffles me because instead of taking the safe way which God has planned for me, I go the opposite direction in order to assert the fact that I can make my own choices.
Now why would I do that? Why when "His way is perfect" would I choose to go a different path??? I don't know the answer because I want to make the right choice but I can't seem to let my heart and feet agree.
God, help me to clearly see the right path according to your desires for me and allow me to fearlessly follow the path which you have shown me,
Diane Elise
Surrendering all of my worries seems selfish. I'm a pretty independent person and knowing that someone else is willingly sharing ANY of my burdens is hard for me to accept. Having cancer when I was younger has caused me to be a bit more callous than I would have been. Ultimately, you just can't rely on anybody but yourself to get through the day...Or that's what I thought anyways.
It's hard to change your mentality after relying on yourself for so many years but I'm finding it to be one of the most necessary elements of my walk with Christ. Letting it go and giving it up to Him is what he asks of us. He doesn't say "Be courageous every day relentlessly because anything less is failure." In fact He asks us to draw strength from Him in order to glorify Him. ( 2 Corinthians 12:9 God's power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.)
So I'm seeing a roadmap here for learning to walk with Christ. First stop, actually read the map. You have no idea how to get somewhere if you can't read instructions. Second, rely on the map to show you the right way to go. Having a map that isn't correct will get you nowhere. Third stop, move your feet in the direction the map says to go validating your trust in what it says.
Essentially, reading God's Word is the only way we can learn what His will is for our lives and leaving this guide closed every day is foolish. As we believe what God says, we can leave our fears and worries behind, trusting that He is leading us in the best direction possible. But the third step is where I get hung up.
Following through and taking the steps to completely rely on Him is a struggle for me! I can get into the Word and see what I'm supposed to do, be secure in that direction, and then completely fail to give total control to God. It baffles me because instead of taking the safe way which God has planned for me, I go the opposite direction in order to assert the fact that I can make my own choices.
Now why would I do that? Why when "His way is perfect" would I choose to go a different path??? I don't know the answer because I want to make the right choice but I can't seem to let my heart and feet agree.
God, help me to clearly see the right path according to your desires for me and allow me to fearlessly follow the path which you have shown me,
Diane Elise
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